Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Homeward Bound

So my States Odyssey is drawing to a close. I just need to squeeze the 67 teddy bears the girls wanted to bring into the six cases we have acquired along the way and survive the transatlantic flight + obligatory jetlag and I’ll have done it!

Along with all the information, inspiration and examples I have brought back about work, I have also learnt some of my own personal lessons along the way; namely:

1.Shout ‘YES’ to any opportunity

When Lyndon first suggested I apply to the WCMT, I started to play my traditional responses ‘Pie in the Sky’ ‘Won’t happen for me’ ‘Waste of valuable time’. But Lyndon’s sense of possibility and optimism has obviously rubbed off because underneath my pervasive, droning record was another voice that said ‘YES, why not? What the hell…’

So thank you to Winston Churchill’s family for setting up such a trust and advocating exploration and learning for our nation (www.wcmt.org.uk) and for giving me the grant. And thank you to Lyndon Johnson (my partner, not the US president) for always encouraging me to think bigger and bolder than I am totally comfortable with.

2. Trust that people want to support you

So, the award is sitting on my desk waiting for me to have my baby and get my brain (half-way) back. I have had another year off work to settle Iris Belle into the world and I am now going back to my boss to ask if I can take another six weeks off to go to the States…How will this go down? Will she fire me? Should I even ask? In the past, the possibility of rejection might have stalled my request but experience has taught me that my ever-supportive boss is open, positive and full of surprises. Thank you to Trish Harrison and WSCC for this time.

Also, I have been amazed at the responsiveness of all the people I have contacted in the States regarding this trip. Every single person I reached out to gave me their time, their energy and their ideas.

3. Take it personally

I have had some excellent professional conversations but running underneath all of them has been a sense of how violence or abuse of one kind or another has invaded their personal lives. It has made me conscious of bridging the gap between the personal and the professional – breaking down those boundaries. It has also given me a greater sense of responsibility towards helping create a peaceful community for all – starting with myself.

4.  Travel light

I always pack for EVERY eventuality and NEVER use half the stuff (yes, yes, ok, I finally admit it Lyndon now we’re home). It’s an important life lesson for me….

Thank you for reading my blog. I’ll publish the more coherent and professional version of my trip after the jetlag subsides….

Creative Interventions, California

I am relieved to be back in Marin County at my sister-in-laws after my Texan excursion – I lament my loss of solo adventure-seeking which has arrived with motherhood but also rejoice in the fact I have two very good reasons (three including Lyndon!) not to get lost.

After a weeks holiday in THE most gorgeous place on earth – Mendocino in Northern California, we are now back in Marin ready to pack up our six-week trip. But there’s still time for one last visit to a quirky organisation called Creative Interventions based in Oakland California.

Creative Interventions is a resource centre existing to create and promote community-based interventions to intimate and interpersonal violence, in alignment with the liberatory goals of the social justice movement. At the heart of this endeavour is the idea that the knowledge and solutions to solve the issue of violence is held by the people experiencing it, those witnessing it and by the communities in which it takes place. It also recognises that the solutions are situated in the very spaces and places that the violence occurs – within our homes, neighbourhood and communities. The idea is that we have lost a coherent sense of community and so have created a temporary community to retreat to when violence erupts– shelters, advocacy centres, foster care homes etc –but this is not addressing the root cause; the sense of dislocation, alienation and disempowerment people feel from their community – the reason they want to exert power and control perhaps?

Mimi Kim, Founder of Creative Interventions, has worked in the DV sector as an advocate for over 15 years.  She argues that the current, conventional remedies to DV as offered through the State, foster a sense of individualism, separation and dislocation. In short, when a couple involves the system they become ‘the problem’ rather than society as a whole and the only real way to achieve safety is for the victim to be separated from the perpetrator. There is little healing or resolution involved.

Creative Interventions started a research project called ‘The Storytelling and Organizing Project’ (2004) in which it invited the community to talk about alternative ways they ended intimate violence. The stories are told by survivors, by relatives, by friends, by community-groups, by perpetrators – anyone who had a story (for an example look at their website www.creative-interventions.org). Creative Interventions used these stories to build up a picture of how community-based alternatives can work. This informs their Community-Based Interventions Project which works to create and promote collective, creative and flexible solutions to fit the individual.

Mimi shows me the beginnings of a toolkit the organisation is working on that can be used by any member of the community. The idea is that rather then involving ‘an expert’ who comes with a one-size fits all solution, the community-member (eg. Faith leader, school teacher, friend, employer, victim) will use the toolkit along with other concerned members to put together an action plan. Creative Interventions will provide the space and technical assistance for this group to move forward with their plan.

Obviously, my mind starts to run towards the panic button, screaming ‘risk assessments!’ ‘safety plan!’ ‘child protection!’ but I try to quieten down enough to finish of our meeting. Mimi Kim is obviously clearly aware of these emergency lights going off in my head, she has been an advocate herself and knows all that and more. She is very clear that she is not offering a solution, she is offering questions ‘What would it look like if….’ questions that, in time, may offer an alternative to what we already have and for that I greatly admire her.

Liberation-Based Healing Conference, Austin Texas

Next up, I fly to Austin Texas, on my own! My anxiety at leaving Lyndon and the children for three nights is greatly heightened by the fact my sister-in-law is worried that I might get shot in Texas….Apparently Texas is a hard-nosed State. Luckily, I dodge the bullets and arrive safely at the two-day long ‘Liberation-Based Healing Conference’ in tact.

This excursion on my trip embodies the beauty that is The Winston Churchill Memorial Trust Award (www.wcmt.org.uk). I really have no idea if this conference will be relevant to my research but it intrigued me as I did my internet research back home and I couldn’t let it go. So I decided to throw it in as a wild card, seeing as the trip is funded not by myself but by the generous grant of WCMT. I just hope the gamble pays off.

The first night in the hotel room, I can’t sleep. This is the most frustrating aspect of motherhood – well, one of them – I spend months and months yearning for my own space and the chance to slumber in bed in the morning without being karate-chopped in the stomach by two children competing to get the first hug; then when I get it, I can’t sleep because I’m missing them! Needless to say, I am up well before breakfast is served as my body has long lost the memory of what it is to slumber and arrive at the conference – exhausted.

The first day of the conference is frustrating to me. It feels like the presenters are speaking another language. They’re not, but the combination of lack of sleep, bad acoustics and very dense subject matter makes me squint to understand until my eyes hurt. It’s made more frustrating because I just know that in amongst these words is something relevant and exciting.

I am invited out to dinner after the conference with the presenters and conference organisers. Even though it’s the last thing in the whole wide world I want to do, I agree as (if you can remember from the beginning of this stream of consciousness) I am trying out the ‘yes’ approach to life on this trip (out of character but thought I’d give it a go). Thinking a mojito would help the flow, I drink two in succession. The next few hours I spend in conversation but I have no idea what language anyone is talking – including myself…

The mojitos might not have given me any insight for the evening but they do help me to sleep and the second day of the conference offers hope of understanding…here is what I understand so far….


Liberation-based healing is an emerging and transformational philosophy and practice for bridging community activism and therapeutic practice with applications to family and community violence, trauma, mental health, immigration, health disparities, and child welfare services. This approach to healing builds on the idea that problems are only ever really solved in community.

This national conference seeks to bring together practitioners and therapists, community activists and organisers, educators and faith community leaders for dialogue and inquiry focused on a system of relational healing that embraces critical consciousness, empowerment, and accountability.

Rhea Almeida, the Director for the Institute for Family Services, originated The Cultural Context Model of therapeutic work and this underpins the Liberation-Based Healing Conference. As I understand it, the Cultural Context Model recognises that everyone has a position in society which can be mapped onto a matrix of power, privilege and oppression. It looks at the way colonialisation has marginalised many sectors of society and how this sense of powerlessness causes dis-ease. Instead of looking at the individual as the problem, this model calls for social justice as a way to heal.

So, in practical terms, if a family present with a problem to the Institute for Family Services, rather than have family/ couple therapy, they are invited into a cultural circle in which they start to learn the language of power, privilege and oppression. Within a community (ie. other people who have approached the Institute and have joined the group along with group facilitators) they use film narratives, music, literature and other media to look at the impact colonialisation and other forms of oppression have on their sense of powerlessness. It then supports them to bring issues to the group and the learning comes from the responses of the community and the accountability they feel to that community.

The whole of the conference is too theoretical for me to come away with any practical sense of the outcomes of the Cultural Context Model but I am still convinced there is something relevant and interesting in this model – so I shall just have to look into it more when I get home. And that reminds me, I am not here to look for answers…I leave the conference with a headful of half formed ideas, a padful of questions and a fistful of business cards.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

From Boys to Men...


One area in which the States seem to have surged way ahead of the UK is in addressing the issue of abuse through enlisting the support of men and by engaging the people who abuse in a positive manner. They have ‘Men as Peacemakers’ (www.menaspeacemakers.org) which looks to foster and develop peacemakers through modelling, mentoring, storytelling and dialogue. They have the ‘Coaching Boys into Men’ (www.menagainstdv.org) in which the college sporting fraternity is coached by the athletic leaders and role models that domestic violence is unacceptable in order to foster a zero tolerance attitude amongst men and women on campus. They have the National Fatherhood Initiative (www.fatherhood.org) whose mission is to improve the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers.

Even Barack Obama launched his ‘Fathering and Mentoring Initiative’ (www.fatherhood.gov) in June this year. This is a partnership between the Administration for Children and Families, White House Office of Faith-based and Neighbourhood Partnerships, national Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse, family-serving organisations and other leaders all joining together to show support for the fathers and children in the nation. Its goal is to encourage individuals, especially fathers, to be involved in the lives of their children, and to be positive role models and mentors for other children in their lives and communities.

The list of organsiations in which men are taking responsibility for the issue of healthy relationships is endless….

So it seems that in the US, they are opening up the dialogue with men about what it means to be a man, what does masculinity look like, what’s it like to be a father etc. And they are addressing the issue of domestic abuse through this avenue and offering hope to men. As always in the States, the language is upbeat, the role models are inspiring, the message is…there is room for you to change and we will help you.

So it’s appropriate that I am today talking to Juan Carlos Arean from ‘The Fathering After Violence’ Initiative as this is an organisation which is offering this message to perpetrators of abuse.

The goal of the FAVP is to help men who have renounced their violence to become better fathers and co-parents. In partnership with a consortium of BIPs (Batterer Intervention Programs) they are developing strategies and interventions to help fathers start to repair and heal their relationships with their children when possible and appropriate and in doing so this fosters a change in the men’s behaviour towards women.

They do not provide a direct service but have put together a framework for organisations to work with in order to bring the father’s relationships with their children into their transformative work.

They have also put together a powerful 15 mins film entitled ‘Something My Father Would Do’ which shows three men grappling with the issue of domestic abuse but breaking down the boundary between victim and perpetrator. It shows how abuse in childhood can lead onto being an abuser in adulthood and how that cycle is endless unless it is stopped.
They then organised with Child Contact Centers that the men coming into see their children would be called in half an hour early and put in a waiting room with this film is showing on a loop. I’m sure it’s non-judgmental and compassionate message has an effect.

My conversation with Juan makes me feel hopeful and excited for the future of men’s services. It’s a whole new way of tackling the issue of abuse and one that feels intuitively right but as Juan says at the end of our chat; it’s not about one initiative or program providing an answer it’s about the whole system – the courts, the community, the educators - being supportive of the healing of men who abuse. And, of course, there is the issue of funding and it appears that even though the thinking is starting to change in the States, there is still little funding available for this valuable work in these restricting times...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Project SARAH (Stop Abusive Relationsips at Home)

From San Francisco where we stayed with Lyndon’s sister, we make our way up to visit his aunt. We have decided to have a small road trip and drive through Yosemite Park, onto Mono Lake through Truckee and onto Quincy. This may sound like a small feat but when you have two children under 4 in tow, it’s a Herculean task. And, of course, just as we buckle the girls into their car seats, Iris’ two eye teeth decide to push on through. I spend the next few days trying to absorb the breath-taking beauty of the American landscape (see pictures at www.mccarthy-johnsonsinusa.blogspot.com) whilst craning my neck backwards from the front seat to attempt to pacify teething toddler.

We spend Halloween at Quincy. It’s big business out here. Thousands of kids dressed up as postboxes, busy bees, princesses, trees, zombies and witches take to the street and collect their ‘treats’ from the shopkeepers. Each shopkeeper spends over $100 on sweets to give away. Matilda loves it but we ration her to only a few sweets and slyly leave the bucket of sugar and e-numbers behind.

Whilst I’m in Quincy I have a few phone calls to people I’ve not managed to meet up with so far. Esther East is the Director for Project SARAH which is part of the New Jersey Jewish Family Services. I am interested to speak to Esther as Project SARAH (Stop Abusive Relationship At Home) has collaborated with Linda Mills to develop a Healing Circle as an alternative to the traditional batterer’s intervention they offer. It’s called a Healing Circle as opposed to a Peace Circle because it is not mandated by the courts – all the people who participate in the circles are doing so voluntary.

Esther explains that the Jewish community is well-placed to test the effectiveness of the Healing Circles as the majority of the women she sees are totally unprepared to leave their husbands, keeping the family together is paramount. Also the Jewish community is close-knit so the sense of community responsibility for any problem is huge.

The Healing Circles are used as one model of intervention and are never used exclusively. The Jewish Family Services offer a continuum of services and advocacy, family therapy and couple counselling are all used. They assess the appropriateness of using a Circle on a case by case basis.

Esther tells me of a recent case in which the Healing Circle has been used to good effect. The family has a multitude of issues including alcoholism and much physical violence and there are children involved. The child protective services are aware of the case but no action is being taken- they are just monitoring the situation. Because there is so much bitterness and accusations in the family, it’s decided that getting everyone in one room to say what they need and how they want to move forward would be beneficial. Both the mother and the father bring a support person along, along with their rabbi who knows them both well. There were also members of the Jewish community as part of the circle. The circle has been meeting regularly and the lines of communication are becoming less blaming and more responsive. It’s early days and Esther can not predict if this family will be healed but at least if they split up, the issue of child contact can be discussed amicably and outside the court system.

The Jewish Family Services of New Jersey have been facilitating Healing Circles for the last three years. Like the Peace Circles, the key elements are the offender having a sense of remorse and the aggrieved not feeling re-victimised; this is thoroughly explored before the circle takes place. Then, like the Peace Circles, each person has their turn to say how the harm done has affected them and their sense of well being and how the harm can be repaired.  The Healing Circles last for an hour and half each time and is repeated every week until the issue is resolved.

The Jewish Family Services offers a traditional voluntary BIP (Batterer’s Intervention Program) as well as the Peace Circles and she says that the shift in the perpetrator’s attitude is more profound through the Healing Circles method. She puts this down to the fact that the perpetrator feels more connected to his community, feels less ostracised and so is able to ask for support with changing his behaviours more freely. Esther also talks about how the person who has been harmed finds it more healing as they are able to take some control over the outcome and come up with some of the problem-solving strategies for themselves whilst having the community for backup and support. Again, the sense that true healing takes place in a strong community reverberates through our conversation.

Then we have a discussion about the different motivators for abuse and Esther concludes, ‘Well of course, there are the good, the bad and the ugly’. And I snigger (whilst thinking to myself, ‘well that’s not very PC is it?  Imagine a ‘good’ perpetrator…) but the phrase encompasses an important point – not all people who abuse have the same motivator and some people dearly do not want to be harming their loved ones – they just don’t know where to turn to for help – and neither do we yet,…

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Center for Domestic Peace, Marin County 2010

We fly to San Francisco and I spend the next week with The Center for Domestic Peace; formerly known as MAWS (Marin Abused Women’s Services). The Center for Domestic Peace has changed its name in the last few weeks to reflect its expanding remit. It started life in the 1970’s offering crisis services to women who had been battered and has slowly evolved with the DV movement. Today its mission is ‘to mobilise individuals and communities to create safety, justice, and equality, transforming our world so domestic violence no longer exists.’ Again, that ‘changing the world’ motif.

The Center for Domestic Violence breaks down its services into three categories:
Firstly, Safety and Empowerment: this encompasses the hotlines, shelters, transitional housing, advocacy, support groups and classes for stopping violent behaviours.
Secondly, Co-ordinated Community Response which encompasses services which perform institutional advocacy and the engagement of other agencies and professionals.
Then lastly, Social Transformation – ways of changing society through capacity building and training.

On the first day, I meet up with Jennifer Lee, the TC-TAT (Transforming Communities – Technical Assistance, Training and Resource Center) Project Manager, she asks me to sign an Individual Peace agreement. This document is my pledge to engage in peaceful behaviour and to commit to being an agent of peace in my life. This highlights the shift in focus that the Center has undertaken signified by the name change. Rather than focusing exclusively on people identified as victims of abuse, they are expanding their services to incorporate everyone to commit to peace and to social change – starting with ourselves.

My meeting with Jennifer consolidates much of what I was introduced to in NYC. Namely; grass-roots mobilisation, community-led solutions/ action and capacity building.

Throughout my time at the Center for Domestic Peace I meet up with Encarny Aguado-Ansems, the Transitional Housing Manager, Ramon Manrique, The Economic Development Advocate and Graciela Rodriguez, the Operational Manager. Whilst I had productive and interesting chats with all of them, the time that will stay with me the most is my attendance at the Mankind class.

Mankind is the BIP (Batterer Intervention Program) of the Center for Domestic Peace. The BIP facilitator asks the guys if it’s ok for someone to observe the session. They all generously agree. I have some trepidation about attending this group as all the men are court-mandated and I know that amongst them are men who have been away for a very long time for what they did to their deceased partners; however, I’ll just be sitting unseen at the back of the room and no one will notice me, right?

The facilitator ushers me to the room and I nervously sit in a chair at what I think is the back of the room. But wait, the facilitator walks round the room and starts to write his name on the whiteboard above me. I have plonked myself centre stage and it’s as if the perpetrators are my audience. The facilitator then asks me to tell everyone why I am here and alittle bit about myself. They eye me suspiciously.

My introduction done, I slowly edge my chair towards the side of the group and try to make myself invisible but the facilitator doesn’t take my hint, Instead he proceeds to address the whole session to me – a recap over what they have already learnt over the last few weeks and all the men are watching to see if I understand. The facilitator explains that each participant is asked to conceptualise his abusive behaviour into an alter-ego name which outlines his chosen methods of abuse and then they go round the room and each tell me what their abusive persona is called.

‘I am a lying, manipulative, cheating partner’
‘I am a drunken, verbally abusive, hitman’
‘I am a mean-talking, unreliable, violent dominator’

Thank you I say, as each one finishes. Thank you, I nod politely and smile in my very British way. It’s a surreal experience to say the least.

I’m not too sure why, perhaps it’s embarrassment at the situation or the real desire not to appear voyeuristic or judgement but after all the men tell me their names and the room falls silent I hear myself disclose that I have been a victim of abuse and tell them that at times I also struggle with my abusive ways. They just don’t know what to make of that – so most of then look at the floor. Too weird for words.

What did I learn from this experience other than not to ask to attend such a meeting again? Well, as I look around the room I see a wide spectrum of men from all different backgrounds and all different situations. I see men who were struggling with addictions, abuse from childhood, poverty and lack of power in the society they live in. It would appear that many of them have had pretty traumatic lives to date. I can see that only a few of them are probably really motivated to change and that many of them were just sitting this out, bidding their time.

Non-Violent Communication and Restorative Practices

So our next stop is to New Hampshire. My family and I arrive at our new home for the next three nights - a quirky and chintzy B&B called ‘Enchanted Nights’. I am heading to Aryoloka Buddhist Retreat Center for a Non Violent Communication Deepening and Restorative Justice Work shop whilst Lyndon is off to immerse himself and the kids into the dazzling, bonfire of colours that nature burns up every fall in this area.

After New York, the pace is slow. We are staying in Portsmouth, with its New England-style wood-panelled houses with verandas and white-picket fences. Everywhere feels ordered, well-manicured and spacious. The first morning we find the local diner and indulge in the biggest breakfast ever known to man – porridge, fruit, pancakes, muffins, egg, bacon, maple syrup – Americans know how to eat a lot! It appears that the whole of the local community is in the diner and each morning we nod to the same faces, sit in the same seats and have the same breakfast (except on Sunday when they all pile in together after Church). The sense of community is palpable.

Aryoloka Buddhist Retreat Center is housed a two-dome structure tucked away in the forest. It’s a beautiful setting. The Non-Violent Communication workshop is illuminating for me and I take away the idea that in order for people to stop being violent/ blaming/ angry/ judgemental to others, they need to learn how to be truly non-violent towards themselves first. On the third day, a Circles facilitator talks to us about the use of circles for offending youths in Colorado and we ‘fishbowl’ a mock Circle. Jessica Dancingheart (the facilitator) has written the case study with me in mind. The scenario is an incident in which a teenager has hit his girlfriend (the first time) after she tried to take his dope from him in the park. I volunteer to role-play the young girl and the rest of the group take the other roles – the girl’s mum, the young offender and his father, along with two community members.

It’s an interesting role play. As the victim, I feel good that my boyfriend has a chance to repair the damage he has inflicted without getting a criminal record and feel secure in the fact that if he doesn’t comply with the actions decided by the circle that he will be taken back to court to be dealt with in the traditional ways. As each person is given the talking piece to say how the crime has affected them, I feel (as the victim) that the crime was not just against me. As I hear how each community member feels worried about letting their children to the park now, how they feel their community is less safe because of this incident, I start to feel less victimised. The emphasis is on the offender taking full responsibility for his actions and hearing how it impacted on all those around him. The action plan is a way of him repaying the whole of community and is based on his strengths – this teenager was a runner and so it was decided in the group that he should raise money for the local refuge by taking part in two charity runs as part of his pay back to society, amongst other reparations.

Obviously there are lots and lots of situations in which this approach wouldn’t work but I am starting to appreciate that thinking of ‘perpetrators’ as one homogenised group is not helpful. There are all kinds of people who become abusive and different approaches are required to address this. Food for thought.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Farewell New York

So my week in NYC is coming to a close. Whilst it’s clear that the mainstream response to DV in most states in the US reflects our practices in the UK, it appears that there are green shoots of change taking place. Talking to the people who are at the forefront of these changes, a few common themes seem to be emerging for me. The first is about a true community response – not just the institutions that make up the system but the public; the clients, their families, their friends, their work colleagues, their ministers, their faith groups, their shopkeepers, their employers, their whole community and themselves providing the solutions and taking responsibility for this issue – I guess the Coalition government would call it ‘The Big Society’? We will never eradicate the problem of domestic violence without first fundamentally changing the implicit power dynamics of society. And the States and the individual have an uneasy, lopsided relationship, in terms of who holds the power. Many of the organisations I am visiting are once again saying that they want to change the world in a fundamental way. A lofty ambition but one they are not afraid to voice. And that means working outside of the status quo; that means breaking things up and dismantling power at the core.

Another theme that is emerging is about working with men, Not just as ‘perpetrators’ or, as they refer to them here ‘batterers’, but as human beings, allies, friends, bystanders, contributors to the society we live in. In fact, many of the organisations I have visited have been uncomfortable about using such negative labelling; it seems there is a more positive and engaging message in this land of opportunity for the people who abuse – namely you can change, let’s help you. Because I guess if you tell someone for long enough that they can’t change they will give up trying and that is not a good option for society. So it seems there are many organisations starting to break down the boundaries between abusers and abused, are open to working with both parties – even sometimes (gasp!) together and they are changing their names to reflect their end goals rather than where they came from: The Family Wellness Program, The Center for Domestic Peace, Connect: Safe Families, Peaceful Communities, Circles of Peace. The Domestic Violence field seems to be merging with the Peace Movement here– they both recognise that fundamental shifts are needed and a more accepting, non-judging approach is going to make abused people safer as it will effect real change in the abusers. The system as we know it can only works so far but creative, alternative solutions are needed. It’s like a breath of fresh air.

Center for Violence and Recovery - University of NYC

For my last work meeting in this city I meet with Yael Shy, Director of Development and Education at The New York University Center on Violence and Recovery. I first contacted Yael back in March 2009 to set up this meeting and, 30+ emails later and a heap of good-will and co-operation from Yael, I am finally about to meet her to discuss the interesting work she and her boss Linda Mills are conducting. After negotiating with a tricky three year old who doesn’t want to wear red today, losing myself on the subway, jumping in a yellow cab to re-trace my tracks and almost leaving my bag in said cab, I finally arrive at the meeting place. At last, we meet but Yael tells me she has an unavoidable telephone call she has to take and can we re-schedule for an hours time? There is no way I am going to miss this so I find my way to her office at the designated hour and at last we’re on! It was worth the wait as it skilfully ushers in the next chapter to my States Odyssey – namely restorative justice meets domestic violence.
Before I explain about Circles of Peace let me tell you about a shift that has been happening for me for sometime now but was consolidated during my meeting with Yael. Having been a victim of abuse myself, I spent many years identifying with the ‘victim’ position and building up my certainty that I was not to blame for the abuse and that there was nothing ‘wrong’ with me, it was my ex-partners problem. This was a good position to have for this period as it facilitated my anger and my self-preservation instinct. However, as time went on and the fear faded, I started to look at my own story of ‘victim’ and found power for myself in acknowledging what I brought to that a abusive dynamic. Why did I find myself in this relationship? How could I make sure I didn’t find myself in another abusive one? These were difficult questions to ask myself as it acknowledged that I was somehow drawn to this drama for my own needs and by externalising the problem to my partner I would never fully heal from the experience.
A place I have come to then, after a long journey, is that it is possible to divorce the human being from their abusive behaviour and to treat them in a non-blaming, compassionate manner. Some people are genuinely sorry for their behaviour and want to change and punishing them isn’t very effective. Abuse is not necessarily a symptom of the desire for power and control, its learned behaviour and some people know no different. Of course, we all have a choice about how we treat people but we don’t have a choice about how we are brought up. Also people who are abused can also abuse and vice versa. Its can be a messier affair than the criminal justice system would like to admit. To always require a win/lose situation in which one person is totally innocent and one person is totally guilty and therefore punishable, as the CJS requires, is in some instances, too limiting.
So leaving aside the high risk and those relationships in which there is clearly a bullying person involved who feels no remorse….lets talk about Circles of Peace.
Circles of Peace is the first-of-its-kind domestic violence treatment program that uses a restorative justice approach to reduce violent behaviour in families. Restorative Justice emphasises repairing the damage that’s been caused by the criminal behaviour. It is accomplished through co-operative processes that incorporate all the effected parties, including perpetrators and victims who choose to participate, extended family members and crucially, members of the community.
In certain States in the US, Peace Circles are used as an alternative to incarceration or traditional perpetrator programs. A comparison study of Circles of Peace and a typical batterer’s Intervention Program (National Science Foundation 2005) showed that the recidivism rate was the same but the satisfaction rates of the victim was much, much higher when Circles of Peace was used.
How it works: the victim and the perpetrator have a pre-Circle meeting with a Circle facilitator to make sure no re-victimising will occur if the Circle went ahead. If there is any sign that the perpetrator is not remorseful or is blaming of the victim for his actions then the case would be referred back to the Courts for them to deal with.
The person who has harmed and the person who is harmed is invited to bring along a support person with them. Also sitting in the Circle is the Circle facilitator and co-facilitator and some trained members of the community. All members agree to the ground rules – then each person is invited to hold the ‘talk piece’ and talk about how the crime has impacted on their lives. The purpose of this sharing is to illustrate how everyone is connected in a community and each person’s actions has an impact on everyone in the community – it is not a private matter between two individuals. The process concludes with the members of the Circle coming up with actions and an action plan about how the offender can repay both the aggrieved and the community. The Circle meets each week for 26-52 weeks. It's highly contentious and very different from anything we have in the UK, as far as I know. It requires a paradign shift in order to appreciate it's benefits, however my meeting with Yael convinced me that in certain low-risk, early cases this appraoch could be far more effective than labelling someone a 'perpetrator' and offering few solutions for change.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Family Wellness Program NYC 2010

So my thoroughly enjoyable meeting with Kala Ganesh is over. Plenty of food for thought. I walk down 5th Avenue to my next meeting with Kerry Moles (Director) at the Family Wellness Program of The Children’s Aid Society. I stop on the sidewalk to check my direction and look up to see The Empire State Building. It feels great to relate to a city from the inside out. I have a meeting to get to and some lunch to find and I am walking past Macy’s store and looking up at the Empire State. It’s a crazy busy and often hard-edged city but it’s captivating. The thought of asking for a job at CONNECT and living in the city crosses my mind but I feel even shorter here against these colossal buildings than back home and the speed and amount people talk is against my nature so perhaps it wouldn’t work.

I find Kerry Moles on the 13th floor of an high-rise building on East 45th Street that houses The Children’s Aid Society. The Children’s Aid Society has been serving the Children and Families of New York for well over a hundred years and is a well-established and well-funded charity. In the waiting area I look at all the posters calling for people to create community and how to do it – simple things like speak to your neighbours, pick up litter, plant a garden on your street. My meeting with Kerry is energetic and very interesting. The Family Wellness Program was set up about 10 years ago and is unique in the fact it works from a family perspective. As Kerry explains, ‘when there is violence in the home, the whole of the family is affected. That’s why we address domestic abuse from the perspective of the whole family rather than compartmentalising each member.’ In order to assess what approach would most benefit the family, the Family Wellness Program assesses the family in order to determine the best approach to take to work with the family.

FWP has also set up the Coalition on Working with Abusive Partners with the goal of finding effective ways to intervene with people who abuse in intimate relationships. As luck would have it Kerry is chairing a meeting of CoWAP after she meets with me today and asks if I would like to come along.

Nipping out to get a Starbucks and make a phone call to my partner, I’m buzzing with the excitement of being a part of the weaving of the fabric of the society – however small and short-lived. It makes me feel connected to the city in a new way.
After checking in with Lyndon, who has heroically, uncomplainingly and single-handedly negotiated the streets of Manhattan with new walker and skipper in tow for the last few days, I extend my absent-parent pass a few hours more in order to join Kerry and her cohorts. It’s an illuminating meeting and I get the sense that I am present at the start of something very new and paradigm-shifting. There are no answers in the room but there are a group of people willing to ask some very difficult and contentious questions in order to move forward. As they sign off on the final draft of their Terms of Reference for the group I bid them good bye and good luck on their heroic journey.

Family wellness

Friday, October 29, 2010

STEPS and CONNECT in NYC 2010

Two years ago I won a travel award from the Winston Churchill Trust (www.wcmt.org.uk) to travel to the States to look at alternative ways to support people who had been effected by domestic violence. The same week I received the award I discovered I was pregnant with my second child and so the trip as postponed indefinatley as I took the time to settle Iris Belle into the world. At times I wondered if it was practical to haul the whole family out to pursue my own interests but with the support of my partner Lyndon, our family of four are now embarking on a six week coast to coast State trip. Me as research, Lyndon as primary child-carer.


To start, just a brief word about my approach with this blog and indeed my whole trip. By nature I am a control freak and attention to detail and accuracy makes me feel secure and right. However, this trip isn’t really about security and being right. It’s more about fluidity, growing, learning and asking questions.

So this is an experiment. I am throwing caution to the wind and not thinking too much about what I write and not over-preparing my meetings. I am staying open to all possibilities and saying yes at every turn. I am breathing through the discomfort at appearing undone and heartfelt. I am enjoying the spontaneity and ease which is flowing from this new mindset.

My family has been in NYC for three days now and it has been enough to get them acclimatised to the new city and adjusting their sleeping patterns. Eating breakfast and brushing your teeth to start the day at 3am feels alien and is unsustainable – but my 3 year old (Matilda) and 1 year old (Iris) won’t hear any of it. It has been an eventful three days since we arrived; Iris has learnt to walk and Matilda has acquired the important skill of skipping so we are a family of differing speeds as we journey around the glorious and magical city of New York. Highlights include a trip in the fastest elevator to ‘The Top of the Rock’ to purvey the spectacle of New York from the 70th floor (just 45 seconds from the ground up) and breakfast at Katz Deli on E Houston Street where Harry meet Sally for breakfast (and no I didn’t have what she had – it was far to early for all that).

It’s Tuesday and I am visiting Lucia Rivieccio (Director) and Connie Marquez (Deputy Director) at the East Harlem offices of STEPS to End Family Violence. STEPS is part of the Edwin Gould Services for Children and Families and they work with the most vulnerable families who are at risk of losing their children around the issue of domestic violence.

Negotiating the New York subway is far easier than I imagined, although the walk to the subway from our apartment in Brooklyn was anxiety-producing after my partner Lyndon showed me a map illustrating the plethora of shootings that have taken place in the last few months. Each incident was illustrated by the symbol of a fire arm and in the area we are staying it’s a wall-to-wall carpet of guns. I make a note to myself to be back before sun down.

My meeting with STEPS is interesting and they do some great work but their model is very similar to the way we work back in the UK. I shall write in detail about each of my meetings when I get back home and have the time to transcribe the conversations I had, but for the purpose of this blog I shall just write what stood out for me.

The main learning I have taken from STEPS is around their Teen RAPP program. Teen RAPP (Relationship Abuse Prevention Program) partners with a number of high schools in New York to provide early intervention and counselling around the issue of intimate violence. Rather than supply endless training to the pupils of these schools, they provide a counsellor in each high school and a range of ways they provide early intervention. It strikes me that the States have really started to look at the preventative work as a way to make the difference. It seems that, even though the crisis work is still the most attractive to funders, DV organisations in the States are finding a way to make early intervention and especially teen dating and awareness raising a priority.

On the way home a policeman standing at the entrance to the subway hands me a leaflet. I absent-mindedly roll it up into a tube and put it into my pocket. Down in the subway, as I reach for my ticket I pull out the leaflet  - ‘Are you a Victim of Domestic Violence?’ I’m impressed. A policeman is pro-actively handing out leaflets in the street?  That doesn’t happen in the UK. When I go back upstairs to talk to the policeman, he tells me that domestic violence heavily contributes to the violent crime in the area and they want to reach out to the community –  a text book answer. Some training somewhere is reaching its target, but my subsequent meetings suggest this is an exceptional happening rather than the norm.

It’s Wednesday and I have a full day of meetings.
First, I am meeting Kala Ganesh from Connect NYC.
My meeting with Kala transported me back about 15 years when I first started working in the domestic violence field. I feel energised and galvanised by their work. A new approach – but hold on, the language is reminiscent of that used in the DV landscape about twenty years ago. A language that has been heard less and less since the field has become more professionalised and more embedded into the status quo. It’s like they have come full circle. Words like community empowerment, grassroots mobilization and transformative education. These words act like new blood pumping fresh oxygen into my work veins.

Kala Ganesh explains ‘The prevalence of violence against women remains unabated and women continue to struggle for freedom inside the home, on the streets and in our communities. The complex interplay of factors that define and limit women’s ability to seek safety is not sufficiently explored in mainstream discourse. Women who are victims of intimate violence may also be struggling with HIV/Aids, homelessness, children in foster care, immigration issues, abuse of their pets, substance misuse, issues of childhood trauma etc.

Few organisations are equipped to deal with more than one of these issues, despite the fact that their relationships with each other imply an unexplored territory that can best be charted by intersectional collaboration. Our current blame-based crisis response keeps women and children spinning on a carousel of discriminatory practices with no relevance to their real life experiences. More encompassing spaces need to be created where families can seek holistic help to deal with and heal from the multiple issues that keep them in unsafe and potentially fatal situations.’

These ‘encompassing spaces’ are not provided by CONNECT but by the community as a whole.  CONNECT seeks to mobilise the community against intimate abuse by collaborating with organisations in order to find community-focused solutions. They look to build up capacity within the community rather than provide the solutions. For example, through their program ‘CONNECT Faith’ – they talk with faith leaders about how best the issue of abuse is tackled and then provide the technical assistance to the leaders in order for them to take it forward.

Likewise CONNECT YOUTH works with engaging youths in a bystander capacity in order to introduce positive role modelling and peer-group intervention. In each area that they engage, CONNECT seeks to build capacity in the community and provide technical assistance for the communities to achieve this. Rather than attempting to train and assist the whole population they serve, with all its differences and nuances, they collaborate with the people in the communities in order to effect change. As Kala Ganesh puts it, ‘In a way we hope to eventually work our way out of a job because we will have built the capacity up so well in the city to deal with the issue of domestic violence, we are no longer needed.’ Once again, this approach is breaking down the power structures. It’s not about an ‘expert’ in the field lecturing to the masses, it’s about the masses finding their own solutions to their specific issues and mobilising change in their own communities. So, rather than going to all the schools in their area for an hour a year, year in year out, CONNECT would meet up with the Heads and talk about what would be the best approach for their particular population, how Connect can provide the technical know how to deliver this and how it could be embedded into the structure and ethos of the school.

Towards the end of our meeting Quentin Walcott joins us. Quentin is the Director for CONNECT’s Training Institute and Community Empowerment Program and he does a lot of work with the last program of the organisation I am interested in. It’s called CONNECT Men which is probably the most powerful message in itself. CONNECT Men offers a range of anti-violence initiatives to engage ALL men in the issue of changing societal values. I think of this as The Men’s Movement in the same way women had the chance to change ways of thinking and ways of relating with The Women’s Movement.  Some of the initiatives include Monthly Round Tables where men who work with men came to discuss issues of masculinity, Peer group support, Seminars and Community workshops on masculinity and male socialisation, Work with Fathers and Manhood Development for Young Males. This seems to be part of a larger movement in the States that is enlisting the support of men to eradicate violence.

Reflections On Domestic Peace