From Boys to Men...

One area in which the States seem to have surged way ahead of the UK is in addressing the issue of abuse through enlisting the support of men and by engaging the people who abuse in a positive manner. They have ‘Men as Peacemakers’ (www.menaspeacemakers.org) which looks to foster and develop peacemakers through modelling, mentoring, storytelling and dialogue. They have the ‘Coaching Boys into Men’ (www.menagainstdv.org) in which the college sporting fraternity is coached by the athletic leaders and role models that domestic violence is unacceptable in order to foster a zero tolerance attitude amongst men and women on campus. They have the National Fatherhood Initiative (www.fatherhood.org) whose mission is to improve the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers.

Even Barack Obama launched his ‘Fathering and Mentoring Initiative’ (www.fatherhood.gov) in June this year. This is a partnership between the Administration for Children and Families, White House Office of Faith-based and Neighbourhood Partnerships, national Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse, family-serving organisations and other leaders all joining together to show support for the fathers and children in the nation. Its goal is to encourage individuals, especially fathers, to be involved in the lives of their children, and to be positive role models and mentors for other children in their lives and communities.

The list of organsiations in which men are taking responsibility for the issue of healthy relationships is endless….

So it seems that in the US, they are opening up the dialogue with men about what it means to be a man, what does masculinity look like, what’s it like to be a father etc. And they are addressing the issue of domestic abuse through this avenue and offering hope to men. As always in the States, the language is upbeat, the role models are inspiring, the message is…there is room for you to change and we will help you.

So it’s appropriate that I am today talking to Juan Carlos Arean from ‘The Fathering After Violence’ Initiative as this is an organisation which is offering this message to perpetrators of abuse.

The goal of the FAVP is to help men who have renounced their violence to become better fathers and co-parents. In partnership with a consortium of BIPs (Batterer Intervention Programs) they are developing strategies and interventions to help fathers start to repair and heal their relationships with their children when possible and appropriate and in doing so this fosters a change in the men’s behaviour towards women.

They do not provide a direct service but have put together a framework for organisations to work with in order to bring the father’s relationships with their children into their transformative work.

They have also put together a powerful 15 mins film entitled ‘Something My Father Would Do’ which shows three men grappling with the issue of domestic abuse but breaking down the boundary between victim and perpetrator. It shows how abuse in childhood can lead onto being an abuser in adulthood and how that cycle is endless unless it is stopped.

They then organised with Child Contact Centers that the men coming into see their children would be called in half an hour early and put in a waiting room with this film is showing on a loop. I’m sure it’s non-judgmental and compassionate message has an effect.

My conversation with Juan makes me feel hopeful and excited for the future of men’s services. It’s a whole new way of tackling the issue of abuse and one that feels intuitively right but as Juan says at the end of our chat; it’s not about one initiative or program providing an answer it’s about the whole system – the courts, the community, the educators - being supportive of the healing of men who abuse. And, of course, there is the issue of funding and it appears that even though the thinking is starting to change in the States, there is still little funding available for this valuable work in these restricting times...