Farewell New York

So my week in NYC is coming to a close. Whilst it’s clear that the mainstream response to DV in most states in the US reflects our practices in the UK, it appears that there are green shoots of change taking place. Talking to the people who are at the forefront of these changes, a few common themes seem to be emerging for me. The first is about a true community response – not just the institutions that make up the system but the public; the clients, their families, their friends, their work colleagues, their ministers, their faith groups, their shopkeepers, their employers, their whole community and themselves providing the solutions and taking responsibility for this issue – I guess the Coalition government would call it ‘The Big Society’? We will never eradicate the problem of domestic violence without first fundamentally changing the implicit power dynamics of society. And the States and the individual have an uneasy, lopsided relationship, in terms of who holds the power. Many of the organisations I am visiting are once again saying that they want to change the world in a fundamental way. A lofty ambition but one they are not afraid to voice. And that means working outside of the status quo; that means breaking things up and dismantling power at the core.

Another theme that is emerging is about working with men, Not just as ‘perpetrators’ or, as they refer to them here ‘batterers’, but as human beings, allies, friends, bystanders, contributors to the society we live in. In fact, many of the organisations I have visited have been uncomfortable about using such negative labelling; it seems there is a more positive and engaging message in this land of opportunity for the people who abuse – namely you can change, let’s help you. Because I guess if you tell someone for long enough that they can’t change they will give up trying and that is not a good option for society. So it seems there are many organisations starting to break down the boundaries between abusers and abused, are open to working with both parties – even sometimes (gasp!) together and they are changing their names to reflect their end goals rather than where they came from: The Family Wellness Program, The Center for Domestic Peace, Connect: Safe Families, Peaceful Communities, Circles of Peace. The Domestic Violence field seems to be merging with the Peace Movement here– they both recognise that fundamental shifts are needed and a more accepting, non-judging approach is going to make abused people safer as it will effect real change in the abusers. The system as we know it can only works so far but creative, alternative solutions are needed. It’s like a breath of fresh air.