Project SARAH (Stop Abusive Relationsips at Home)

From San Francisco where we stayed with Lyndon’s sister, we make our way up to visit his aunt. We have decided to have a small road trip and drive through Yosemite Park, onto Mono Lake through Truckee and onto Quincy. This may sound like a small feat but when you have two children under 4 in tow, it’s a Herculean task. And, of course, just as we buckle the girls into their car seats, Iris’ two eye teeth decide to push on through. I spend the next few days trying to absorb the breath-taking beauty of the American landscape (see pictures at www.mccarthy-johnsonsinusa.blogspot.com) whilst craning my neck backwards from the front seat to attempt to pacify teething toddler.

We spend Halloween at Quincy. It’s big business out here. Thousands of kids dressed up as postboxes, busy bees, princesses, trees, zombies and witches take to the street and collect their ‘treats’ from the shopkeepers. Each shopkeeper spends over $100 on sweets to give away. Matilda loves it but we ration her to only a few sweets and slyly leave the bucket of sugar and e-numbers behind.

Whilst I’m in Quincy I have a few phone calls to people I’ve not managed to meet up with so far. Esther East is the Director for Project SARAH which is part of the New Jersey Jewish Family Services. I am interested to speak to Esther as Project SARAH (Stop Abusive Relationship At Home) has collaborated with Linda Mills to develop a Healing Circle as an alternative to the traditional batterer’s intervention they offer. It’s called a Healing Circle as opposed to a Peace Circle because it is not mandated by the courts – all the people who participate in the circles are doing so voluntary.

Esther explains that the Jewish community is well-placed to test the effectiveness of the Healing Circles as the majority of the women she sees are totally unprepared to leave their husbands, keeping the family together is paramount. Also the Jewish community is close-knit so the sense of community responsibility for any problem is huge.

The Healing Circles are used as one model of intervention and are never used exclusively. The Jewish Family Services offer a continuum of services and advocacy, family therapy and couple counselling are all used. They assess the appropriateness of using a Circle on a case by case basis.

Esther tells me of a recent case in which the Healing Circle has been used to good effect. The family has a multitude of issues including alcoholism and much physical violence and there are children involved. The child protective services are aware of the case but no action is being taken- they are just monitoring the situation. Because there is so much bitterness and accusations in the family, it’s decided that getting everyone in one room to say what they need and how they want to move forward would be beneficial. Both the mother and the father bring a support person along, along with their rabbi who knows them both well. There were also members of the Jewish community as part of the circle. The circle has been meeting regularly and the lines of communication are becoming less blaming and more responsive. It’s early days and Esther can not predict if this family will be healed but at least if they split up, the issue of child contact can be discussed amicably and outside the court system.

The Jewish Family Services of New Jersey have been facilitating Healing Circles for the last three years. Like the Peace Circles, the key elements are the offender having a sense of remorse and the aggrieved not feeling re-victimised; this is thoroughly explored before the circle takes place. Then, like the Peace Circles, each person has their turn to say how the harm done has affected them and their sense of well being and how the harm can be repaired.  The Healing Circles last for an hour and half each time and is repeated every week until the issue is resolved.

The Jewish Family Services offers a traditional voluntary BIP (Batterer’s Intervention Program) as well as the Peace Circles and she says that the shift in the perpetrator’s attitude is more profound through the Healing Circles method. She puts this down to the fact that the perpetrator feels more connected to his community, feels less ostracised and so is able to ask for support with changing his behaviours more freely. Esther also talks about how the person who has been harmed finds it more healing as they are able to take some control over the outcome and come up with some of the problem-solving strategies for themselves whilst having the community for backup and support. Again, the sense that true healing takes place in a strong community reverberates through our conversation.

Then we have a discussion about the different motivators for abuse and Esther concludes, ‘Well of course, there are the good, the bad and the ugly’. And I snigger (whilst thinking to myself, ‘well that’s not very PC is it?  Imagine a ‘good’ perpetrator…) but the phrase encompasses an important point – not all people who abuse have the same motivator and some people dearly do not want to be harming their loved ones – they just don’t know where to turn to for help – and neither do we yet,…